


The Queen and Her Knight

by indigo_skye5



Series: The Healer and her Knight [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Doctor!Reader, Emperor Kylo Ren, Empress!Reader, Engagement, Established Relationship, F/M, First Order, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo cuddles, Love, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, Medical Procedures, Medical stuff, Morning Cuddles, Mystery, Political Intrigue, Politics, Royal Marriage, Royalty, Sleepy Cuddles, Soft Kylo, Soft reader, Soft!Reader, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, Tag As I Go, Traveling, True Love, changing the galaxy, domesic violence in reference only, space travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:47:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23292697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indigo_skye5/pseuds/indigo_skye5
Summary: Marrying the man I love is easy, but getting married and actually being happy in our current situation isn’t. Kylo is stepping into a new roll as the First Order begins an empire across the galaxy, and in marrying him, means that I will have to as well. I was a girl who once dreamed underneath a two sun sky who wanted to do so much more, now having grown up, become a Doctor of the First Order, and fall in love with Kylo Ren, my life is more complicated than ever. Question is: am I ready?I don’t think I have a choice now do I?...Part 2 of “The Healer and her Knight” series!
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/Reader
Series: The Healer and her Knight [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1529351
Comments: 14
Kudos: 73





	1. The Answer

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone, welcome back! Here’s “The Queen and her Knight”- Indigo

_ “I may never find words beautiful enough to describe all that you mean to me, but I will spend the rest of my life searching for them.”  _ -John Mark Green

  
  
  
  


I stood there breathless. I couldn’t believe it. A year ago, the man kneeling in front of me didn’t know who I was. I was just a doctor on the ship, and he was the commander of said ship and of the First Order. So much had happened, from our first meeting when I saved his life, to him helping me through my father’s death, to Endor, to him becoming Supreme Leader. It was dizzying.   


And he was asking me to marry him. 

So much went through my head in that moment. Our history. Our life. Our choices . _What would it mean for me to marry the Supreme Leader? Would I have to take on a new role as well? Am I fit for it? Am I fit to marry him?_ But in looking down at him, my heart wanted to burst. This hell of a man, who had been through everything destiny could chuck at a person, _loved_ me, and I loved him right back. 

“I Don’t know what to say...I love you. I love you so very much.” 

“I want you to say yes.” His eyes faltered a little, and stood back up. “But if you don’t want to-“ 

“but...I...I’m just…” he placed the ring on my finger. He placed his forehead against mine as I stared at it. 

“I love you more than life itself. But I understand if you don’t want the Supreme Leader. If you don’t want to marry the murderer who took the throne. I’ll understand it...” 

I looked up at him, it broke my heart to hear those words, but I knew what I had to say. What I had to be. At that moment, I threw all those worries to the wind. “I want to marry the man I love.” 

With so much hope in his eyes, he asked, “is that a yes?” 

I grinned. “Yes...yes. Of course yes.” His lips collided with mine so fast it took my breath away. I didn’t think two people could hold each other so close. When we parted for breath, I couldn’t help but look at him with adoration and love. “I’m sorry I didn’t say it right away,” I whispered, “I think it was the shock.” 

“It’s okay. I’m a bit of a shocking person to be around.” 

“A bit?” I teased. He just laughed again in response and kissed me some more.

…

After finishing our drinks, and had gotten some free dessert from the restaurant, we went back to our ship. Both tired from the long day, we both changed into some sleeping clothes and crawled into bed. Still we couldn’t quite get to sleep. We just held each other and talked. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy.” He said with me laying on his chest facing him. 

That little sentence broke my heart a little, but I ignored it for later. “So this was why you wanted all the mystery.” 

“Yeah.” He said bashfully. “Though I had a little input from Deval.” 

“Of course. You and your knights are always up to something. I was wondering why Deval was avoiding me this week.” 

He chuckled, “yeah he’s terrible at keeping secrets that he’s excited about.” 

I looked down at my ring twisting it a little when I asked, “so tell me about the ring.” 

He sat up at little, and I moved up too, he held my hand in his. “Well the bronze is from my mother’s homeworld.” 

“Alderan.” I said, remembering his story about his parents. I was surprised that he wanted something of that significance for it. 

“It’s so rare now. It belonged to my mother’s adoptive mother. She passed it down to me when I left for the academy. Though, the stone is new.” 

I smiled at it. I wasn’t one for jewels, but this was a very special exception. “it’s beautiful. I’ve never seen anything like it.” 

“Well, that’s because it’s a piece of kyber crystal. My kyber crystal.” I raised my eyebrows as he massaged my hand. “You see, when a force user creates his or her lightsaber, they have to find a kyber crystal or so to speak it finds them. It’s the source of the power of the lightsaber.” I glanced at his, it was across the room ready to be used in case something happened, which was unlikely. “When I formed mine, the crystal was split, it broke into a few pieces, hence why I have it as a cross guard style. It has too much unstable and raw power.” 

“Sounds awfully familiar.” I smirked. 

He smiled gently back. “When this piece came off, it lost its glow, but it’s power remained, I couldn’t part with it. It’s a part of me, and I wanted to give to you. Even when we’re apart, I’ll always be there for you.” 

I looked down at it proudly. It was like he gave me a piece of his heart. A piece of him that will always be with me. I looked back up at him, “I love it, almost as much as I love you.” 

“I love you too.” Then he looked like he remembered something, “I forgot the best part. There’s an inscription.” 

I gasped a little and pulled it off my finger and took a look. “It’s a language I’ve never seen before.” 

“It’s an ancient Nabooian script.”

“For your grandmother.” 

“The woman who inspired you so much. And for the place you always wanted to see. Which I really want to take you to...It means… ‘my star’.” My heart was ready to burst. He kissed me again. I couldn’t believe it. Every detail of it he thought of he took with care and made it so that this ring represented him giving me his heart and soul. 

When he broke away he just looked at me with his look of trying to figure out the right thing to say. “There’s something else I wanted to talk with you about.” 

I raised my eyebrows. “What is it? I don’t know how many more surprises I can take.” 

He kept my hands in his as he said, “Last one, I promise.” He paused for another moment to brush his lips against mine. “Kylo Ren...isn’t my real name…”

I mean this wasn’t new information, but I kept my face neutral. I didn’t want to scare him. I nodded and continued to listen. “I know that you probably knew that, but...since we're getting married, no matter when, I want you...to know my real name...is… is Ben Solo.” 

I smiled at him. He did look like a Ben for some reason. He looked at me softly, trying to read my face, as I said, “whoever the hell you are, you're the man I love. And I’m glad you shared that with me. Shared  _ this _ with me.” Indicating my ring. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” 

He just smiled and held me even closer. 

….

  
  


Two days later

  
  


Being away on Canto Blight was wonderful. Filled with excitement, adventure, and love. Alas, we had to return to our normal lives. Arriving back in the early part of the morning cycle, Hux was waiting for us, as well as a few of the knights. We walked down the ramp, trying to look as indifferent as we could. Though hiding the happiness of our engagement was hard enough, we both knew what would happen once Hux knew about it. We were both sure he would object to it or try to manipulate us with it. We simply wanted to get ahead of the game for that. 

“General Hux.” Kylo said to him. 

“Supreme Leader. Ma’am.” I wanted to roll my eyes. Though I was outranked by him, as my relationship with Kylo became more apparent, officers started calling me ma’am, as if I was entitled to being the second most important person of the First Order, behind Kylo of course. Hux being the first with the name. It made my stomach do somersaults. 

“What have we done to get the pleasure of seeing you as we come back?” I asked. 

“Besides disappearing for three days...there have been developments with the Resistance. A council meeting is being pulled together for-“ 

“This afternoon.” Kylo interrupted. It was an order no doubt, but he loved watching Hux squirm at it. 

Hux continued with his grimmance. “Will 1300 work for you, sir?” 

“Yes.” 

With that, Kylo went off, with me following quickly, with the knights. As Soon we were away from Hux’s ears, Xohan asked us, “How was the trip?” 

I couldn’t help but grin. “It was nice. A pleasant getaway.”

We were all almost at the executive floor, devoid of all personnel, when Kylo said proudly, “She said yes.” 

I hadn’t seen the six of them so excited all at once. The uproar was a little overwhelming with the sudden appearance of six voices. The whole group just stopped to congratulate us. I couldn’t help but blush, it was sweet that they were actually rooting for us. I broke off to the edge a little as Kylo began talking with the lot.

“Congratulations.” Deval said to me. 

“Thank you. Especially for helping him. It was sweet.” I fiddle with my ring. 

Trike spoke up to Kylo, “After the mission tomorrow, you should have her meet the rest of the spouses, finally.” 

I blinked in surprise and asked Deval quietly, “Wait, some of you are married?” 

Deval nodded, “my partner, Theon, works in translation and will be coming in a few days. He’s transferring under Hux since I’m here on the Finializer so much. And Trike has her girl, Sio, who’s a civilian worker on Coruscant. While Erebus has his wife, Kilania who is actually on ship, working in Culinary. They're all great, and you’ll have some people to talk to that aren’t us Knights.” 

“They sound wonderful. Just like all of you.” I smiled at them. The last few months I had been able to really get to know them. Though clearly I didn’t ask about relationships. I was a little embarrassed that I hadn’t. “When was the last time you saw Theon,” I asked. 

He looked down at me a little puzzled by the sudden question. “A little over a month. I miss him.” 

“Of course.” I felt guilty. Because I knew the exact reason why he hadn’t seen him: me. Kylo knew Deval and I had a bond. He trusted him more than anyone to protect me, so whenever Kylo had to go off ship, which was more often than either of us would have liked, he left Deval to watch over me. I hadn’t minded as Deval didn't get in my way and was a friend, but now that I knew he was away from his spouse, made me only think of the separation Kylo and I had while I lived on Endor. “I hope his transfer here is soon. I know the feeling of being away from the person you love most.” 

“Thanks Doc. It will be the waiting is just the hardest part.”   


“Yeah it is.” I said while looking back at Kylo. 

…

  
  


After the short but sweet celebration, Kylo and I finally came back to our quarters. We both were tired from the trip, but happy and tired. He held me close from behind after the door closed. “How long do you think we have?” I asked him. 

“Not long. Hux already seems suspicious.” He sighed. “It’s bound to get out. But the knights won’t say anything.” 

“I know they won’t. They're too loyal to you.” He turned me around by the waist. I place my hands on his chest as our foreheads touched. 

“Loyal to  _ us _ .” He corrected me. 

I smiled at him. “Us.” I closed my eyes. “All of this is going to get so complicated. Especially once Hux is involved. Why did you make him your second in command again?” I asked. 

“I didn’t want him. It was  _ expected _ .” 

We stood for a moment in the quiet just breathing each other in. Both of us had duties to fulfill. Kylo had his meetings, and I had to get in touch with the med bay again for my return from the short trip. “I have to call Mara.” I said suddenly. 

“You still haven’t told her.” 

“Canto Blight’s very pretty, but their communications system sucks. I couldn’t reach her.” 

“Go. I’ll get lunch ordered.” He kissed me gently but quickly before I broke from him. I went to my bag and dug out the little long distance comm. I gave Mara the one I had on Endor and now I was using Kylo’s to talk with her as much as I could. 

I sat down on the couch, kicking off my boots, and sat crisscrossed. I called her. Waiting patiently Kylo sat at the table trying to order. I didn’t mind him sitting in for this particular call. Then she answered. “Where did you disappear to?” She asked. 

I chuckled. “Kylo took me to Canto Blight for a few days. We both needed a break. I wanted to call you while I was there, but-“ 

“It’s all good. I’ve heard that they pour more money into making money than being good at communications.” 

I chuckled at that.  “How’s Endor?” 

“We’re doing good. They finally finished the med bay. We moved out of the tent yesterday.” 

I grinned. “That’s wonderful Mara. I’m sure the Ewoks were a big help.” 

“Yeah they are. They all miss you. Every once in a while I’ll get asked about when your coming back.” 

My shoulders slumped. I looked up at Kylo, he knew I was still sad about them. Endor had become a special place in my heart that I didn’t know was there until I left. “Well we have some news.” 

I could hear her smile. “What?” 

“Kylo and I got engaged.” I waited with held breath, not quite sure of her response. 

Then I heard her gasps and excitement. It made my heart flutter a bit. Kylo even smiled at me when I was relieved. “That’s wonderful love! Oh stars. I’m so happy for you. I’m your maid of honor right?” 

I laughed, “yes of course. Who else?” 

“Oh finally, you two have been through it. It’s about time.” I rolled my eyes at her. 

“Yeah well, don’t tell anyone. We’re keeping it quiet for now. Because of Kylo’s job and all.” 

“Your secret is safe with me, lovely. Congratulations.” After a few more minutes, Mara had to end the call to get back to work. 

…

  
  


Soon enough, Kylo was back in his black robes and cape. He had his meeting with Hux to get to. “Good luck.” I said to him as he was kissing me goodbye.

He just smirked and said, “I don’t need luck when I have you.” He kissed me one last time and left our quarters. As the door closed with him behind it, I was a little sad. It was the first time we were apart since we had gotten engaged, but I shook it off. Just because we were engaged didn’t mean we needed to be attached to the hip, I reasoned. 

I curled up on our couch with a throw and a book. It was pleasant to get some quiet time. So much so I fell asleep with my data pad in my lap in a dreamless sleep. It was all peaceful, until Kylo came back. He wasn’t slamming doors, but the way he huffed back through the door was enough to get my stirring self awake. “Kylo? What’s wrong?” 

He sat down on the edge of the couch, trying to let me lay back down, “it’s nothing. Hux was just getting under my skin again. I’m sorry.” 

“It's okay.” I grasped his gloved hand. “What did he do this time?” 

Kylo ran his other hand through his hair. “His spy contacts still haven’t found anything on the resistance. He’s so pissed off about it that he’s demanded that I send out my Knights to investigate.” 

I shook my head, “they're not there to clean up his messes.” 

“I know that, apparently he doesn’t.” 

I rubbed on his back and arm sleepily. “They’ll be found eventually. They can’t be quiet forever.” 

“That’s what I’m worried about.” 

“Everyone has bad days, I’m sure this is one for Hux. He hasn’t figured  it out yet has he?” 

Before Kylo could answer, there was a sudden pounding at the door. Hux’s disgruntled and infuriated voice behind it, “Ren! You're getting bloody married?!” 


	2. The Dangerous Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux barges into a happy chapter in our lives, and sadly he ruins it. With news that hits me like a shit ton of bricks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii. So yes I took a real angsty turn in this one. Just figured for all that is to come, it wouldn’t be a really happy and unproblematic start. Still I have much more action and fun in store. Enjoy!- Indigo

  
  
  


_ “Jump off the cliff and build your wings on the way down.” _ \- Ray Bradbury 

  
  
  
  
  


Kylo groaned while I slumped back down against the couch. “Can we pretend we’re not here?” I asked, pinching the bridge of my nose. 

“I don’t think we have that option...I could kill him.” He said dryly. Half kidding I thought. 

That didn’t sound so bad, but we couldn’t be  _ that _ harsh. “Then we would have a body to take care of.“ I huffed myself, “let him in. I’m sure he’s going to want to yell at me too.” 

Kylo stood and walked to the door. I sat up and watched as the red head was practically heaving at our door. He walked past Kylo towards our living area not having noticed me. “You couldn’t tell me  _ this _ ? I just had to over hear it from my gossiping assistants.” 

“Wonderful to see you too Hux.” I said. 

Even as red faced as he was, he suddenly sobered up when he knew I was there. Then Kylo asked, “who else knows?” He looked ready to kill.

Hux suddenly was very uncomfortable.“I came here as soon as I heard of it, sir.”  _ Now he has some respect _ ? “I doubt it’s anywhere above being a rumor. This is something I need to know about-“ 

“I hardly think our private lives are any of your business Hux.” I simply said. In a burst of anger he said, “Well they will be for the First Order soon enough.” 

Kylo and I both were taken aback by that revelation. “What in all hell does that mean?” I asked. 

Silence. He didn’t want to answer that. “Answer her.” Kylo ordered. 

“If you were both here-“ 

“Just spit it out.” I said finally. 

Hux stared at Kylo head on, “there are talks about expanding the First Order’s reach. There are a great many that want to form a new Empire with  _ you _ on the throne.” 

I wanted to throw up.  _ Kylo? Emperor? Emperor of what _ ? I didn’t even want to finish the thought. “Why haven’t I heard this yet?” Kylo asked. 

Hux visibly bit the inside of his cheek. “It hasn’t gone to the council yet. The whole plan is still in its infantile stages-“ 

“I don’t care. This is far from what we were planning for Hux. Going back to those days? I thought you said that ‘we are far more evolved from the Empire.’” 

“We are. But there are those who think the system can be evolved as well. But now that you have involved  _ her _ -“ 

“Be very careful what you say right now.” Kylo warned. His fists were so tights in his gloves they had to be stark white. 

“They’ll want it even more. She’s a match that some will want with you on the throne, but it could lead the others to want to kill the notion comelletly. Destroy all of the work I’ve done to get the First Order where it is now. I won’t have you ruin-“ 

“Get out.” I murmured. They both heard me and stopped talking. I looked up at Hux, with a death grip on the couch cousin I was sitting on. “Get. Out.” I said a little more clearly. Anger was ready to boil out of me, and I didn’t want to hear Hux’s whines over  _ his _ accomplishments and  _ his _ future. He took the words to heart and left without another word. 

The minute the door closed, I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. Kylo sat next to me again. I couldn’t speak. With as fast as my mind was going, I could fathom what to say. I stood and went to the viewport. I stared out at the endless sea of stars. 

Then Kylo was next to me and spoke softly. “I can stop it.” 

“No you can’t. Even with you being Supreme Leader, you can’t stop this.” I whispered. “What the hell are we going to do?” Tears fell from my eyes as I fought sobs.

He pulled me to his chest as he said, “I’m sorry. I know you never asked for this.” 

I couldn’t say anything else for the rest of the night. 

…

  
  


I woke early the next morning, well before the morning cycle began. Not being able to get back to sleep, I left Kylo sleeping and took a shower. Then in my bathrobe I sat at Kylo’s desk looking at my data pad with a cup of caff. I scrolled through many charts trying to get my head into gear for the day. Still my mind was on the impending calling that would be asked of me. Kylo and I were to be married. But that may also mean becoming an Empress. How the hell was I even qualified for it? 

“You're up.” Kylo said sleepily as he sat up in our bed. My back was to him, but I knew his hair was messy and his eyes were tired. A beautiful sight to see in the morning, but even that was being ignored because of my intruding thoughts. 

“I couldn’t get back to sleep.” 

He stood and walked towards me. His large hands pressed against my shoulders gently. “Do you want to talk?” 

I craned my neck to look up at him. His face was still sleepy like I had thought, but had worries there all the same. “Sure.” I said quietly. 

I took my caff and we went to our dining table. Kylo made some of his own as he sat down in his usual spot in front of me. 

We took some time to wake up. We talked about our coming days for the most part, trying to avoid the thing we  _ didn’t _ want to speak about. “The med bay thankfully runs like a machine, but we’ll be getting some new people coming in soon, so I'll be working on the training program.” 

“How do you think it will work out?” 

“Well for the first few weeks their normally incredible incompetent. But they’ll get there. As the head of medical, it’s my job to work with them.” 

“There’s no off ship mission in the next week thankfully. But you never know. Nakoa and Trike will be heading off to the Yavin system looking for potential force user information.” 

“Like the oracle relic?” 

“Yes, though I think it’s more like ancient texts. And while they're off doing that, I have more meetings with Hux and the war councils.” 

There was quiet for a moment. I felt that if we did talk about it, it would only make it real. I wished for it to be unfathomable for as long as possible. 

Then Kylo pulled the bandage off. “I don’t  _ want _ to be an emperor.” 

“I don’t  _ want _ to be an empress.” I replied to him,“But they don’t care what you, or I for that matter, want now do they?” I said darkly. “They never did.” Referencing Snoke and all others who let him hurt Kylo. 

He took my hand. “I’m going to try everything I can to keep you out of it. They haven’t made the decision yet. Hopefully there’s still time.” 

“What if it is too late? What if they make you take on  _ this _ ?” 

“Then I’ll have to. The war isn’t going to end by me stepping down to let another tyrant take over.” 

I swallowed hard. “Then we both agree.” 

“On what?” 

“That we want the war to end.” He nodded. “We have more people around us with ulterior motives than ever. How many of them will want the title for themselves?” 

“Too many to count. It’s one of the reasons why I haven’t tried to gather you and what few things we have and run.” We both knew it. Though we craved being away from all of the death, destruction, and chaos, it wouldn’t be easy to run from the First Order. 

“I want to make the galaxy better.” He continued. “To heal from the destruction that my family was torn apart by and to keep the family I have  _ now _ safe. Being Supreme Leader enables me to do so.” 

“But it also makes you a target. There are people here who know how to manipulate. How to potentially take down those who seem to be untouchable. Becoming Emperor will only make that worse. We’ve been able to survive thus far, but...this time you would be entering a much more dangerous game.” 

“I know. But that seems to be the path that I’m headed down, and I don’t think I can turn back.” 

“We don’t have many options do we?” I asked. 

He shook his head. “I don’t. But you do.” He gritted his teeth. “If they make this happen, if they do this to me...they don’t have to do it to  _ you _ .” 

I stared at him.  _ He’s giving me an out _ . As much as I wanted to run. As every logical part of me thought that this was a kindness, I couldn’t help but feel my heart break. He would go into it alone for me to live a life that I always wanted. He would let me leave him in the dark to only get killed. A few tears spilled from my eyes as I grasped his other hand. “That’s not an option for me.” I said simply. “When I said yes, I meant it. For all of you. For the rest of our lives. I’m not going to let you do this alone. It’s not right and you and I both know it.” 

He stared at me with his face unreadable. “But you know what would happen. If you marry me, and I become Emperor-“ 

“I would have to become Empress. Face it Kylo, you're stuck with me, and as much as that title, that life,  _ terrifies _ me, there’s no way in hell that I would let you be alone in it. I love you. We’re getting married for stars’sakes. We’re in this  _ together _ .” 

He got out of his chair and knelt on the floor in front of me. He pressed his palm to my cheek. “I promise. I’ll do everything in my power so that you won’t have to.” 

I grasped his hand and gave it a kiss, “And I promise, if it does happen, I’ll be at your side no matter what.” He pressed his forehead against mine. We both let our promises sink in. We were entering a dangerous game hand in hand filled with fear, but love seemed to be our only guide. I just hoped that it would be enough to get us through alive. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BTW: check out Ray Bradbury’s The Most Dangerous Game. It’s a great short story with a killer ending. (Lol sorry)- Indigo


	3. The Captain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I meet Captain Phasma for the first time. It goes, well it goes okay, but then the First Order goes into a public war council meeting. Shit is going down and they’ve invited everyone to watch, including me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all. Here’s a chapter that threw me a little. With all that has been going on in the world right now, writing has been a bit of a struggle, but made this one extra long for ya! Enjoy!- Indigo

  
  
  


_ “Real courage is when you know you’re licked before you begin, but you begin anyway and see it through no matter what.”  _ -Harper Lee 

  
  
  
  


Two Weeks Later

  
  
  


I was once again working in my medical office. We were getting a vip patient transferred that day, and I was readying for a standard medical exam. She was waiting for me in Exam room 1. 

I walked down the hall and prepared myself to meet her. Captain Phasma was a legend amongst the First Order. Narrowly surviving the fall of the Supremacy, she is returning to service this week on the Finializer to work with Kylo, and I was examining her. To say I was a little nervous was an understatement. I knocked on the door and was let in by a surprisingly soft voice. 

The Captain was out of uniform, but I knew it was her. She was famous for towering people, almost to Kylo himself. “Hello Captain. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.” I said. 

She shook my hand politely and sat back on the medical chair. “You as well.”

The exam was simply a formality. I had to ask medical questions and check certain boxes. “From looking at your chart, your recovery has been going very well. How have you been feeling?” I asked. 

“As well as I can be. I’m anxious to get back to service.” 

“Of course. It’s only routine questions.” I began reading off the questionnaire to her as she answered simply and efficiently. Once I was finished, after a pure hour to get through all of it, I asked, “Do you have any questions for me?” 

“Just one.” She thought for a beat. “You're  _ her _ aren’t you?” 

My eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean?” 

“You’re the woman Kylo Ren has fallen in love with.” 

I closed up my data pad and made sure the door to the room was closed. “I am.” I answered.

“And I take it, he gave you that ring?” My hand instinctively went up to my ring that was hanging on a chain around my neck. I kept it there for while I worked, as well as to keep the gossips from getting anything else. It slipped out of its usual hiding place from behind the fabric of my scrubs to infront of it somehow. A chill ran down my spine, afraid of what she would do with the close secret that I kept. I couldn’t lie to her, so I answered. “Yes.” 

That’s when she noticed my unease. “You can rest easy. Kylo trusts me as I trust him. And I wish for you to trust me as well.” Her blue eyes searched in mine. “You two plan to get married, yes?” 

I sat back down. “Look. I love Kylo very much, and we do plan to get married, but there is a great deal going on right now within the First Order. We don’t need the news of our engagement getting out more than it has-“ 

“I wasn’t planning on telling anyone. I just wanted to talk with the girl that changed Kylo.” 

I was surprised by this. Most of the higher officers that I had met were almost as ruthless as Hux, but Phasma seemed so different. Still I kept my guard up. “I didn’t change him. We just...we just fell in love. And his position is complicated and will only be more so as I’ve become involved.” 

She nodded. “I understand. I will be working more closely with Kylo as soon as I’m reinstated, so I figured that we would be seeing more of each other. I’m sorry if my questions have made you-“ 

“It’s okay. We’re just...the First Order is a huge part of our lives, but it’s not easy to find those who we can truly trust.” 

She smiled gently at me. “I swear to you that you can trust me, and I hope you will.” 

“I hope so to.” 

…

  
  


That night I walked in to see Kylo had come back early. He was in his casual clothes and reading a book on the couch. I took my hair out of its bun and sat down next to him. “I met Captain Phasma today.” 

He looked up from his book with surprise. “She’s already here?” 

“Arrived this morning. I did her medical review.” I took off my shoes. “It went well, for the most part.” 

“What happened?” He said sensing my unease about it. 

“She knows about us. About the engagement.” 

It didn’t seem to shake him up as much as it did for me. “She was probably going to find out anyway.” 

I fiddled with my ring, still on it’s silver chain. “Can we trust her,” I asked while looking through the viewport.

He put his book down on the coffee table and took my hand. “I trust that woman with my life. She’s an ally, I promise.” 

I looked back at him. “How do you know that?” 

“I’ve known her for a long time. Since before we joined the Order.” 

I titled my head a little, “Before joining? Really?” 

He nodded. “I met her while the knights and I were traveling. Searching for a bigger purpose I suppose. She was good in a fight back then, even better now. She saved my life. When the First Order and Snoke found us, they couldn’t pass up the opportunity to give us both positions as leaders. Had to help her even. They didn’t want her to become Captain.” 

“What? She’s an  _ actual _ legend around here. Why the hell wouldn't they want her heading things?” 

His face fell. “Because she was a woman.” 

“Wow.” Is all I could say. I had know that some people in the high ups were pig headed, but...I hadn’t expected that. 

“She asked me to help her out. Speak to Snoke about the bullshit, and I was happy to. She’s been an excellent co worker to say the least. And a good friend.” 

My fingers subconsciously grazed at his palm. “She seems like it. Just a little intimidating.” 

“You’ll get to know her and see. She’s one of the few people on this ship that sees right through Hux.” 

I chuckled a little. “We’ll need that. I got nervous about her just from knowing her reputation.” 

His face seemed to change a little as he changed the subject. “Tomorrow’s going to be important. The war council will be meeting.” 

I stared at his hand in mine. “They're discussing the empire aren’t they?” 

“Yes.” Kylo had been working tirelessly behind the scenes with various officials about the status of it and the innerworkings. So many had already put weeks into work on the proposal, and Kylo had done all he could to keep them at bay with the damned thing without giving a direct order. “It’s a public one. They think that the monumental decision deserves the audience. I have managed to get two members who will try to dispute it secretly on my behalf.” 

Kylo, as Supreme Leader, has a lot of power, but when it came to these huge war and strategy meetings, it was law that he couldn’t interfere with what they decide, he could only keep it from coming to the table all together. “What if it does come down to your vote?” 

“I’ll obviously vote in  _ our _ favor, but…” 

I looked at him with bile in my mouth. “But what?” 

“if there is a unanimous vote in the favor of an empire, I can’t dispute it.” 

“What do you mean you can’t?” I asked quietly. 

“If I overturn a unanimous vote...it would mean risking a question of power. There could be a coup or assasination attempt. Anything that would take me out of the way.” 

“You would be risking your life.” I gripped his hand harder. 

“ _ Our _ lives. And I will  _ not _ put you at risk. I can’t do that to you.” He stroked my cheek gently while staring at me intensely. Like even saying the very thought of me getting killed scared him. I would bet it did. 

“Then if it does...don’t overturn it. Our lives are not worth the trouble of handling a crisis of power. Especially if Hux is on the enemy side of it.” 

Kylo and I both knew Hux was riding on this and would do everything for it to happen. Who knows what would happen if Kylo and I were ever in his way. 

Kylo nodded in agreement and swallowed. “I’m sorry…” 

I stroked his hair out of his pale face. “Nothing has happened yet. You don’t need to apologize.” 

“Not yet…” 

…

  
  


It was nearly time. My hands couldn’t stop shaking as I walked the halls towards the grand council meeting room. It was hardly used, but any and all important personnel who could attend were expected to attend. Including me. 

The ship was filled with excitement from all levels of the hierarchy. This meeting will change everything, and with it being so public meant that it was monumental. Then I was pulled from my thoughts as I heard a familiar voice call me. 

I turned, not far from the entrance to the grand hall, to see Hux walking briskly towards me with his hands behind his back and a smug look on his face. “Hux. I see that you're excited for this meeting.” 

“Yes. I believe that the next great steps of the First Order will be taken in the very room. I wanted to say hello before.” 

I clasped my hands together trying to hide their shaking. “It’s always a pleasure Hux. Will you be speaking today?” 

“Briefly. Before the council will be taking the lead of course.” 

Even with all of the people filing into the entrance, I was sure no one had even noticed us speaking in the hallway. “I’m sure you're as anxious as Kylo is to see how this discussion will resolve.” 

“Yes.” He smiled slightly. “May I escort you into the hall?” 

If I was trying to be polite, I would have said yes, but I knew where he would take me. Front row, next to him. And as much as I wanted to be there in close proximity to Kylo for support, we didn’t want any of the council members to suspect anything between us, and proximity, I feared, would definitely raise some eyebrows. “Thank you Hux. But no. I’ll be fine seating myself. Good luck.” 

I turned away from him as quickly as possible to get a seat on the edge of an aisle and near the exit. Hux couldn’t get even a snide comment at me as the crowd was waiting for him to begin, so he followed through the same door and down the steps towards the center of the room. 

The hall itself seemed more like an arena. As you went down the steps, past all of the filled seats, you would find 12 men and women sitting at a round, black marble table. Not far from it, a few of Kylo’s Knights sat in the second row. Nakoa and Trike seemed to be speaking. Not sure as to what, they both had on their helmets. Near them was Phasma in her silver armor. It shined well even in the dark as the only light in the room was the spotlights over the table. Next to her was Kylo. He sat straight and was staring at me. He sensed me as soon as I entered the room, I supposed. I gave him a gentle smile and nod. He nodded back stoically, keeping his cold face as he sat in front of the council. The most dangerous people in the room to us. 

Then the crowd quieted, and Hux began to speak. “Supreme Leader, Council Members, Ladies and Gentlemen of the First Order. Today is a day that shall be remembered. We have all gathered here for a meeting of great decisions that will change the very course of our cause and our strategy through this great war…” 

As Hux continued to speak on how monumental this meeting was supposed to be, I heard a distinct cough from behind me. It was modulated. I turned around and saw that Deval stood right next to the door a few rows up. I smiled a little at him and turned back to Hux. I felt a little better knowing if something were to go wrong Deval would be there to help. 

I turned back and shifted a little in my seat.  _ When is this man going to shut up _ ? I whined in my head. After another few minutes, Hux finally finished up and the real show began. I couldn’t remember their names for the most part, but every council member seemed to have something to say. 

“Ladies and Gentlemen.” One stood and began, “today I propose a new purpose, or rather transformation, of the First Orders end goal. I propose that we not only take on more planets and systems, but also revive a strong system that could work for our purposes.” 

“And what system is that?” Another asked.

“I propose we create an Empire, with our Supreme Leader as Emperor.” My stomach was in knots from hearing his words, but I calmed a little as the table, as well as the room, erupted with questions, hoping that they were questioning it entirely. 

“The Empire of Old failed after the Rebellion took hold of it. How can you think that history won’t repeat itself?” 

“We can not reach the same potential that the Empire reached before with the monetary means we have now. How do you suppose we pay for it?” 

Soon the questions seemed to all mumble together with the crowd. Worries being thrown across the room. Then a single voice seemed to calm it all. It was Kylo. “Enough. Let the Council continue.” He said it with barely raising his voice. He calmed the council down and quieted the rest of the room effortlessly. I would have been lying if I said I wasn't impressed. 

Then the council member continued. “We have reached many systems as of yet, and we are building a great alliance, but we have yet to have reached control of a third of the galaxy. How do any of you suppose we are able to reach the other two thirds as just a military organization?

“We are strong. Our funds are growing everyday. And thanks to the Supreme Leader, the Resistance has little to no influence anymore. And no protection with the dismantlement of the Republic.” He looked over to Hux in a silent recognition. I couldn’t see his face, but from Kylo’s reaction, I knew Hux looked smug. 

“We finally have the upper hand, it’s time we bring our presence in the galaxy to a new level. If we establish ourselves as a growing empire; one that will withstand the test of time and whatever futile efforts the Resistance may or may not bring about to us. As an empire with our Leader as the ruler, with  _ us _ at his side, we would finally get the recognition and respect we deserve.” I could read between the lines at that one. He wants everyone to fear us. 

With another repeat of some of his arguments, he turned to another council member to continue the argument. A woman this time. “I have to agree with him. We are at a crossroads. Yes we will win the war, but we also must win the governing powers. With the republic gone, all systems have no one to turn to. If we go through the outer rim, we will go from planet to planet with no government other than the ruthless law of the individual’s liking. I say that we choose to become more than any military can be. We become what the Empire of Old couldn’t. An unbreakable, solid Empire under a strong, level headed leader who is guided by his councils. One that will not crumble under a ragtag band of misfits who have some knowledge of our weaknesses.” 

As the lady continued with her speech, I noticed several of the other members seemed nod and agreed with her. She made a good argument, I was just hopeful that at least half of them could see through it. 

And the rest of the meeting went on like that. The three council members backing the proposal went back and forth explaining why this was a good idea. There was a silent few who looked sold on it already, but the rest...well I couldn’t read them. All I could do was sit there and listen to them spout argument after argument. 

The crowd was even harder to read on what they wanted. At times there was utter disagreement amongst many of those who seemed like they would hardly benefit from the decision. Other times people held back cheers. It went back and forth like a pendulum and I was getting dizzy, wondering where the hell it would land. Then the conclusion of the session commenced. Lighting came in and I got up from my seat. I walked quickly out of the room with Deval following me, wishing to get some kind of angle of where this was going. 

Being far enough away from the lingering audience members, I asked Deval, “what do you think? Will they decide on it?” 

“The opposing side does have some good points, but they hardly hold up against what the side that wants the empire. I’m sorry.” 

“We only heard a few opinions, maybe the rest who haven’t spoken will be leaning towards our side.” 

Then Trike appeared down the hall. She waved us down and walked quickly. “I have a message from Kylo.” 

“What is it?” I asked. 

“The council has decided that any moves made today must be made unanimously on either argument. So they are making final deliberations now.” 

“What happened? They didn’t say anything to the audience.” 

She shook her head. “Hux went up to them and suggested it on behalf of the Supreme Leader falsely.” 

“How could he do that? Kylo was literally across the room.” Deval remarked. 

“Kylo was distracted by another General while Hux did it secretly. Kylo didn’t realize it until the Council made the announcement and immediately went into the deliberation chamber.” 

“Will Hux be punished?” I asked. 

“Hux argued that he thought he received a message from Kylo that he wanted the decision to be Unanimous. He blamed one of his assistants in front of everyone.” 

“Couldn’t this be a good thing? If we have the two council members vote against it, they can’t have their empire, and Kylo will not be to blame.” 

“Yes, but it will only be postponed by a few weeks. They would bring it up again, and more likely decide then.” Deval explained. 

“But it’s easier to convince two people with threats of one side of the argument than ten others with flattery.” Trike said bluntly. “Who knows what will come out.” 

“How long  could it take?” 

“They’ll stay in there for as long as it takes, it could be hours, days even.” My heart sunk. I took a deep breath, both watching me on what I wanted to do. 

“If it could take hours, I want to see Kylo. I’m going to head back to my office and wait there if he can see me. Could you let him know and Notify me if council comes back before then?” 

Trike nodded and went off. Deval followed me to my office. It was a familiar feeling to have him by my side. “How are you doing?” He asked when we got in the elevator. 

“In all honesty. I’m scared shitless.” 

Silence. He knew what was at stake, and I’m sure he didn’t want to make it worse. The elevator doors opened to the floor of the Med bay. We walked towards it, thankfully it was quiet for the most part. Then Deval said, “I want you to know that I have your back. No matter what happens today...I’ll be there for you.” 

I looked up and smiled a little. “Thank you Deval. I’m glad to have you as a friend.” 

…

  
  


It had been two and a half hours since the Council went into deliberation. I sat at my desk looking through charts while Kylo sat on the other side of my desk. He looked through his own data pad through other matters. Deval, with his helmet cast aside on a table, sat on my office couch. Trike was watching the view port. She had taken off her mask as well. She kept her short hair combed back and had pretty amber eyes. A sight I had rarely seen, but was glad to see that she was even a little relaxed. 

Keeping a comfortable quiet, we waited. It all seemed unreal. We awaited our fates like we were waiting for a delivery droid. Then Nakoa burst through the door. 

“They're done.” He said. I looked up at Kylo. I felt all of my blood rush in my veins hard enough to hear it. Kylo visibly swallowed. We all stood and headed out. Trike and Deval replaced their masks while Kylo and I walked side by side. We headed down the corridor hand in hand. Mine started shaking again once we were in the elevator. 

He squeezed my hand in his. “Whatever happens, we’re going to be okay.” He tried to assure me quietly. 

I didn’t look up, but I squeezed back. Then, the doors opened. Kylo’s stoic face returned as he let go and went ahead of me. Trike and Nakoa followed closely while Deval and I stayed back. We took our entrance and sat down quickly. Everyone was waiting for Kylo to read out the final decision. 

The room quieted as soon as Hux stood. The Council had returned to their respected seats, and Hux began the formalities. “This session has begun and hopefully will be short. Council, have you reached a unanimous conclusion?” 

“Yes, High General.” My mouth went dry and I gripped the fabric of my pants to try to stop my hands from shaking. The man stood and read out-loud, “We the high war council of the First Order have voted to proceed with the Transformation of the First Order, from being a Military Organization to become a full fledged Empire.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing next chapter right now! Posting in the next few days.- Indigo


	4. The Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally seeing the aftermath of the council’s decision and the return of a familiar face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone. Pretty crazy at the start, but we get a little fluff at the end. Special treat.-Indigo

_ “Sunshine all the time makes a desert.”  _ Arab Proverb

  
  
  
  
  


As the crowd erupted in both cheers and questions, I felt like the room began to spin. As my body shallowly breathed for me and my feet took me up the steps, my mind went numb. All of the noise and light began to blur together as I stumbled up the stairs. Then I collided on to a black body. It was Deval. He was looking at me, probably calling my name, but I barely responded. 

He took me by the shoulders and rushed me out of the room. No one else seemed to leave or say anything, but I barely noticed. As I went through the empty halls, I started hearing Deval trying to talk to me. There was panic in his modulated voice. “Come on talk to me! Are you okay?” We stopped in time for me to slump against the wall. 

My mind started to get through the numbness a little as I said, “I think I'm having a panic attack.” 

“No shit.” He said quietly as he took off his mask. He placed it on the ground and grasped my shoulders and said, “okay. Just breath. Okay. In and out.” 

I did as he said as I my head swam in it all. My heart rate was still going high as the adrenaline surged and all I could think about was the fact that what I thought was impossible became not only possible, but in fact probable. 

Deval let go of me as I sunk down to the floor. I pressed my palms against the cold surface. “What do you need me to do?” He asked as he knelt down in front of my folded legs. 

I shut my eyes for a moment, trying to get my head back to its logical state. Normally if I was working a trauma, when a patient is coding from blood loss or something really traumatic was happening in front of me; I was cool and calm. I was able to help them. I kept the calm, but this. My brain couldn’t handle it. I stifled out, “take me to my quarters.” 

I focused on my breathing as Deval replaced his mask and took me by my hands. I stood again and we walked slowly towards the elevator and eventually my quarters. 

I somehow remembered how to open the door with the code and walked in. It was quiet. Freshly cleaned from a service droid. Deval came inside with me and closed the door. I stood in the middle of the space trying to think of what I needed to do next. I was still having trouble remembering to breathe. 

Then Deval appeared in front of me. His mask was off again and he guided me to the couch. “I sent a message to Kylo. He’s on his way. Just keep breathing okay?” 

“Okay.” That when I noticed that I was shaking. Not just my hands, but I was shivering like I was a leaf in a hurricane, barely holding on. Deval seemed to notice too. He found a blanket that was folded on a nearby chair and draped it over my shoulders. 

I pressed my hands to my face as I bent my torso towards my knees, vaguely remembering the position from my medical training. I just kept trying to breath. I was so focused that I didn’t even notice that my fingers were getting wet from my tears. When I did, the panic and stress seemed to subside finally. 

My breathing was returning to normal thankfully and my head wasn’t swimming in the adrenaline like it was before. Still I kept crouched down, comforted but the stretch in my back and the weight of the blanket on my shoulders. Then I felt a hand on one of them. 

Deval said quietly to me, “Kylo is coming up the elevator now. How are you doing?” 

Still trying to keep my breath, I said slowly, “a little better.” 

“Okay.” He let go of me and stepped away. Then I lifted myself from my hands and the top of my legs. I let my elbows rest on my knees for a moment as I stared out the viewport. We were over a desert planet this time around. So it’s golden sands beat up at us, almost as bright as it’s sun on the opposite side of the ship. It reminded me of Tatooine. 

Then I heard the door of our quarters open. Kylo came in quickly and rushed to kneel in front of me. “My Star...are you alright?” 

I didn’t answer him, I just wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed myself against him, and on instinct he wrapped his arms around me. Whenever I embraced Kylo, it was grounding. That’s all I seemed to want at that moment. That and our quiet. The comfortable quiet that I held like a security blanket. 

We were like that on the floor of our living room for quite a few minutes, just holding each other. I had never felt that kind of pure panic and anxiety before that time. Something, as I had learned from Kylo previously, had dealt with quite a lot in his life. Somehow, we found solace in each other's arms like nowhere else, and I hardly thought that we would ever find it anywhere else. 

Eventually I pulled back to look at Kylo. A few tears had fallen from his eyes, so pressed my palm to his face and gently wiped them away with my thumb. His hand went into my hair and pulled it out of its messed up ponytail. He just pulled me closer as our foreheads pressed together. He couldn’t stop staring at me. “Are you okay?” He asked.

“I am now...I think-I think I had a panic attack.” 

“I know...I felt it.” 

I chuckled. “Of course you did...” I smiled a little thinking back on it. “Deval helped. He got me back here to calm down.” That's when I noticed that Deval left without a word to leave us alone. I made a mental note to thank him.

“I’m sorry. For everything. I thought I could stop it.” A few more tears went down his cheek. 

“We both did. It’s not your fault.” I stroked his hair a little more. “You did all that you could.” 

“I failed you.” He whispered.

I grimaced and pressed my hands to his face. I made sure I looked him straight in the eye. “Don’t you dare start that. You didn’t fail. You did you as you promised me. You did everything in your power to keep this from happening. It happened anyway. That’s not your fault. You did everything _but fail_.” 

He stared at me silently but grasped me closer. I pressed my face and hands to his chest. He still smells like a forest but also of smoke and tie fighter fuel. “You went flying today.” I said to him, smiling. Knowing that it was his favorite thing to do and had become a stress reliever for him. 

His chest reverberated as he chuckled. “Yeah. I had to test out the Silencer since it had some repairs this week.” 

“I swear you love that thing more than me.” I joked as my eyelids started to feel heavy. 

“Not possible.” He smiled down at me. “How are you feeling?” 

“I’m exhausted.” I was drained from all that had happened. Every bit of energy was sucked out of me. I didn’t even want to move. 

“Then let's get you to bed.” Before I could even protest, he threw my arms around his neck and scooped me up into his arms. He carried me to our bed where I fell fast asleep not long after curling up into his arms and was snug under the comforter. 

…

  
  


I fell asleep for a few hours to wake while sleeping on top of Kylo’s chest. When my eyes gently opened, I turned towards Kylo’s face. He was staring at me, but still in deep thought. “What time is it?” I asked quietly. 

After a moment of realizing that I was awake, “late,” he said. 

Then a sudden urge of hunger came over me. I hadn’t eaten since well before the council meeting. I’m sure Kylo hadn’t eaten as well. “You hungry?” 

He nodded. We both got out of bed and went straight for the kitchen. Kylo was ordering our usual late night dinner; one that whenever either of us or both came back late we would order. I took out some water bottles and sat down on our couch. I took the throw from earlier, which had been discarded on the floor, and wrapped myself in it. Kylo finished up with the order and sat next to me. 

His face was still in his thoughts and I was beginning to think that they weren’t good ones. “What’s wrong?” I asked. 

He took a breath, “nothings wrong. I’m just...thinking.” 

I took his hand and started drawing little patterns on his skin that wasn’t hiding from his pulled up black sleeve. “Thinking about what?” 

“Everything. I don’t know how we’re going to deal with all of this.” 

For the first time in a very long time, Kylo seemed to be so unsure about all of it. We had a plan but the universe seemed to have other ideas. “We’re going to get through this the same way that we got through everything else since we first met.” 

“How?” 

I smiled gently. “Together. And one step at time.” 

“After everything, how are you so positive about it?” 

I thought for a moment, “because I have you, and I have hope that no matter what happens, we’ll be able to do it together.”

He smirked at me. “There’s that hope again.” 

“What’s wrong with being hopeful?” 

“Nothing you just...you give me hope.” 

I blushed and smiled at him. “Then I’m glad. And I want you to know, I don’t intend to go back on _my_ promise. We’re in this together.” 

“Together.” 

Soon the delivery droid came with our food, and we both ate on the couch. He started telling me about what happened right after the decision was made. 

“They want to begin as soon as possible. From letting allies know to every single person that serves the First Order they will now be serving the ‘Empire of the First Order.’” 

I fought not to choke on my food, of all titles for an Empire, why that? “Why not call it  _ the _ Empire and be done with it?” 

“Hux felt that we need to ‘pay homage to our humble beginnings.’” 

I swallowed another mouthful of food. “Speaking of which, what are you going to do about him? For undermining you?” 

Kylo’s cold look told me he would rather get rid of the man and be done with it, but he said, “He pulled an excuse out of his ass and I had no choice but to allow it.” 

“No choice?” 

“I couldn’t hold him accountable in front of the council's people in the way I would have if they weren’t. It would get back to them and would reconsider their decision for making me their Leader.” 

“Did you get to speak with council members who cracked?” 

“Briefly. One was extremely apologetic, the other decided not to say anything to me. Both hid behind the fact that they were outnumbered and knew that they were being threatened for not agreeing with the majority.” 

“What’s the point of them making these major decisions when they only listen to the majority?” 

“I share your sentiments, but their politicians. There isn’t a lot we can do about it.” 

“That’s what I like about medicine. When you get together with a group of doctors, you hear from all sides and decide what’s best for the patient, not what’s best for you, or your ego, or reputation, or whatever. There isn’t a lot of politics in the faction of it, even in the First Order. I don’t know how you do it.” 

“Begrudgingly.” 

I chuckled a little, but thought more of it all. I dropped the smile from my face. “Looks like I’ll be in the same boat.” 

Kylo looked at me with sadness written all over his face. “You don’t have to do a lot. We’ll talk to Hux. Do everything we can to-“ 

“To what? When this happens, and I know that we’ll get through it, but...I doubt that any of our normal life that we have right now is going to be the same. No matter how hard we try.” 

“Still, we can at least try to keep as much of it as we can.” 

I nodded. “Yeah, we’ll try.” 

...

The next day, I had a single notification on my data pad.  **Mara Comes Home** . I practically leapt out of bed to get ready. I showered quickly and ate breakfast as fast as I could. I was halfway out the door when Kylo had gotten up. “What are you so excited about?” He asked from the fridge with tired eyes and bed head. 

“Mara’s arriving,” I looked at my watch, “in the next ten minuets. I want to see her as soon as she gets off the shuttle. I’ll see you later.” I kissed him in a quick goodbye and left our quarters. 

I rushed to the ship bay and stood excitedly near where the shuttle meant park. I was so excited to see her. Mara decided to extend her mission by three months due to the progress of the post on Endor, but luckily the camp was nearly finished. And she was finally returning. I couldn’t wait much longer for my best friend. 

Then I heard a small entourage enter the bay. I turned to see General Hux and a few Lieutenants following him. He was soon beside me waiting for the ship to disembark. I had nearly forgotten, Illereon was supposed to make an appearance today with Kylo for a presentation on the matter. “It’s good to see you General Hux.” I said politely. 

We both looked on, not daring to look at eachother. I was still very angry with him over what had happened the day before. “As well with you, Ma’am. I’m surprised to see you here. I thought you were running the medical unit this morning.” 

“I’m off clock Hux, before my shift. I’m simply here to see my best friend who I haven’t seen in months. And to say hello to the Admiral.” 

“Very well.” 

I didn’t get another word in. I was grinning ear to ear as I watched the hatch lower and it’s passengers slowly unload. Soon I saw Mara. We ran up and hugged each other so hard I could barely breathe. I laughed and so did she. I couldn’t let go of her hands as we parted. “Stars I missed you lady.” She said with a smile as wide as mine. 

“Me too. How was it when you left?” 

“Everything was fine-“ 

“And will continue to be fine.” I looked up to see the Admiral. He actually seemed pleased to see me despite all the trouble I gave him. 

“Admiral. It’s good to see you.” 

“You as well.” Hux then coughed not so subtly.   
  
“You better talk to him. He’s in a mood.” I whispered. 

The Admiral just smiled and went to the General. Mara and I locked arms as we went off into the Finilaizer’s halls. This home in the stars felt a lot better now that Mara had returned. 


	5. The Engineer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just as I think my shift is ending, a sudden troubling trauma case comes in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all. This ones short I know, but I think it’s a fun one. Wanted to fit in a medical case for this chapter and the next. Just an FYI: I am adding a trigger warning for domestic abuse. This references domestic violence and may be triggering for those who may have experienced it. It’s not much but I wanted to add the warning anyway. -Indigo

_ “Our Job is to love others without stopping to inquire whether or not they are worthy.”  _ -Thomas Merton

  
  
  
  
  
  


The medbay was winding down for the night. Mara and I had been working together as if there wasn’t a separation. We just slipped back into our natural instincts of working with patients and each other. Our first few days, we were just happy to be working together and that day was no different. 

“Last hour of the shift, thank goodness.” Mara said as she sat down behind the nurses station. 

“Yep.” I said as I was scrolling through a patient file. “We’re still on for wine night tomorrow right?” 

“Of course, I wouldn't miss it.” We both smile at that. It was one of the things I had really missed. Then her smile dropped. “Your shadow is back.” 

I turned around to see Deval at the door. He was waiting for me per usual, though I wasn’t expecting him to be there. I walked up to him and asked, “something wrong?” 

He shook his head, “no. Just giving you a message that Kylo will be returning late tonight.” 

“Oh.” This would make the third night that Kylo would come home late. “Okay. Thank you Deval. Anything else.” 

“No. Have a good evening doc.” 

I smiled and turned around and walked back to Mara. “Kylo is coming home late again.” 

She looked worried, as she said, “is this is like him?” 

I shook my head. “Ever since  _ it _ happened, he’s been working harder and longer than ever before. I’m worried about him.” 

“Well if anyone understands working too hard for too long. That’s you.” She smirked at me. 

Before I could reply to her, a comm call connected to one of the nurses sitting next to Mara. “We have incoming,” he said, “there was a fight in the ship bay. We have one patient BSW to the abdomen and one with a head injury.” 

We spring into action. Quickly nurses ran to the trauma rooms to prep while Mara and I gowned and gloved up. I ordered for the other three doctors in staff to do the same. Two were on the head injury, while the rest of us waited for the one with the blaster shot. 

Then the chaos came crashing through the doors. The first patient, a female flight engineer was first in a gurney. The medic filled us in as we wheeled her towards trauma one. “May Ariza. A 25 year old female with a blaster wound to the abdomen…” the first thing I did was check her wound. It was cauterized by the blaster fire but just because she wasn’t bleeding out didn’t mean she was out of a world of trouble. 

We were in the trauma room doing a full work up on the her. An engineered chaos began as one doctor began checking her vitals while another took off the remnants of her shirt to take a better look at her. I barked orders for someone to bring the scanner while I pulled out the portable ultrasound. I looked around her belly, avoiding the area of the wound. But I couldn’t help but notice some healing bruises that were at least a few days old on her ribs. I decided not to mention it as I saw what I had suspected. “We have blood in the belly. I can’t see anything.” I spoke out. 

“Putting her on O2.” Mara said in reply. 

“Her blood pressure is still normal.” 

“Good. We don’t have a lot of time, where’s the scanner?” I shouted out to the nurses. I went up to the woman’s head. She was starting to panic. “Ma’am I need you to stay calm. You have some internal bleeding. We’re going to have to do surgery.” 

“No...no surgery. I can’t stay.” She said with a mask over her nose and mouth. “I can’t...he’ll...he’ll…”

“He’ll what?” Mara asked. 

The girl was scared. She looked at both of us, not sure what to do. I looked up to the other doctor and asked him to leave. “You can tell us. Is it about the man you got into the fight with.” 

Tears formed at the corners of her eyes. “His name is Jason. He’s my...my ex boyfriend. If I have surgery, I’ll be stuck here with him. He’ll kill me.” 

“May. Look at me.” I said calmly, “It’s okay. He’s not going to be anywhere near you. I’m the head of the whole medical bay. It won’t let that happen. If you don’t get the surgery, you could die of internal bleeding. I need you to think about this okay?” 

Her voice cracked as she said, “promise?” 

“I promise. Will you let us do the surgery?” 

She started to cough but nodded yes. 

…

We finished with the scans, and she was being prepped for surgery as Mara and I quickly went to the side. “Make sure that the ex is far away from her, and inform the higher ups that he shot her, and that we suspect that he tried to kill her. They’ll take care of him.” 

“Are they going to believe her?” 

“I’ll testify myself if I have to. Those bruises and blaster shot are proof enough for me.” 

Mara nodded. “I have this part handled if you want to go to her surgery.” 

I smiled. “Thank you. I’ll see you after.” I walked towards the surgery. One of the surgeons that would be working on her found me as I prepared to go in. He seemed a little nervous that the boss would be watching, but I wanted to be there when she was being put under. 

May was on the surgery table, as I walked towards her. “I’ve taken care of it all. You don’t have to worry.” 

“Are you going to stay?” She asked right before the anesthesiologist prepared the mask that would put her to sleep. 

I took her hand. “Of course. You are going to be okay.” I assured her. 

I held her hand as she went under. 

…

  
  


It was late. I didn’t bother looking at my watch. I just knew it was late. The surgery took two extra hours because of the damage caused by the short distance the blaster shot from. I had been standing there for the entire time as I watched them cut her open and repair her insides. While I grew angry at the man that did it to her. It took, one second to cause all of that damage, but hours to fix it. she made it out thank the stars. 

Without turning on the lights, I just shuffled towards our room. I was a little disappointed that Kylo wasn’t in it. Still, I threw off my scrubs, shoes and socks, and put on one of Kylo’s black sweaters. It fit him nicely, but on me it was big and long enough to end at the middle of my thighs. I slipped under the covers and curled up. 

My body was heavy as my eyes closed and I fell almost instantly to sleep. Maybe an hour or two later, however, I woke up to the sound of our door opening. Kylo was finally home. I smiled a little, and croaked out, “Kylo?” 

When he didn’t answer, I sat up and saw him in our doorway. He looked as tired as I was. His hair was a mess and he hardly looked up at the sound of my voice. He just slunk in and took off his robes. He stripped down to just his pants and crawled in. I immediately curled up close to him as he lazily threw his arm over my waist. I gently brushed my fingers on his cheek when I said quietly, “it’s later than late.” 

“I know,” he whispered, “I’m sorry.” 

I yawned, and finished with, “-sssokay.” And we were quickly fast asleep. 

…

I woke up as Kylo was trying to slip out of bed. In my sleepiness, I wrapped my arms around him tighter and tried to keep him in bed. “Stay.” I whispered. 

“I can’t.” He replied. 

“Why not?” I asked, not even opening my eyes. 

“I have a full schedule today, I can’t be late.” Still he stayed and let his head fall gently into the crook of my neck. 

I breathed him in. Wishing that I could keep him all day like this. I had to get up too. I smiled and asked, “do you have time to have breakfast with your girlfriend?” 

He chuckled and sighed, “Always.” 

Despite getting up to get food, we ended up back in bed anyway. We stayed close as we had breakfast in bed together. It felt like the first time in a while where we could actually talk to each other. So I asked him, “how have you been doing?” 

“Fine.” He said like he had rehearsed it. He probably did. 

“Ky. This pressure, the stress, you can’t be just  _ fine _ can you?” i asked worriedly.

He looked at me. “Yeah. I’m stressed. Who wouldn’t be?” 

“You could talk to me about it. I’m here for you, you know that right?” 

“Yeah.” He said while smiling a little. “Honestly, you're the best thing about this place. Only a person who hasn’t put pressure on me or expects me to be something I’m not.” 

I pressed my hand to his cheek. “You don’t have to be anything you don’t want to be. And I’ll gladly be that person for you.”

“Thank you.” He said. 

“I don’t mind. After all, I love you, and you love me. What else could I ask for?” He just smiled and kissed me as a response. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love you all. Stay safe. Stay healthy. Be back soon.-Indigo


	6. Two Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two days that changed everything. Two seemingly mundane days. And yet I have no idea what’s coming for me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! New chapter yay! Had a tough time with this one in getting the medical stuff in just right. And please nothing harsh on it. All of my medical knowledge comes from Grey’s Anatomy and google searches (Lol). Anyways. Promise that the plot will be picking up after this. ;)-Indigo

  
_ “Be as you wish to seem.” _ -Socrates

  
  
  
  


The first thing I did when I walked into my shift, I checked on the engineer. She had pulled through surgery well despite the incredible internal damage. She was strong thankfully. I walked into her room to see that she was just waking from morning rounds. “How are you doing May?” I asked as I checked her chart and vitals. 

“As good as I can. How...how is Jason?” 

“He’s fine, medically speaking as far as I know. I’ll ask my colleague about him. But I know for a fact that he shouldn’t know where you are. You're safe.” 

“Thank you.” She said. 

I walked out to the nurses station to find Mara there. “Morning.” She said. 

“Morning. Just checked up on Ariza. She’s doing well. How’s the other one?” 

“Had minimal injury. He was insisting that he was the one who attacked. That he was ‘defending himself’.” 

It made me sick to my stomach. “What did the higher ups do?” 

“They took into consideration of her reports that he was stalking her, and the very damning evidence of surveillance tapes. He started shouting at her, shot her and when he did the recoil caused him to slip and fall causing the head injury. He’s now in holding.” 

I scoffed. “At least they did something right  _ this _ time.” 

“Tell me about it.” This wasn’t the first time we had seen something like this within the Order, it was just very rare that attempted murder charges would ever be brought up. I was just glad that May’s situation turned out better than most. Still she had a long recovery. 

…

As soon as we got off shift, Mara and I immediately went into wine night mode. We were ecstatic. It was the first one in months, though it felt like years. Mara went to her quarters while I went back to mine to get changed and to grab a bottle of a fine red. 

I walked in to see Kylo home early. It was a good sign. I kissed him hello and immediately went to the wine cabinet. “It’s kind of early for drinking isn’t it?” He asked dryly and with a smirk. 

I rolled my eyes at him and replied, “Mara and I are having wine night.” 

His face fell. “I forgot that’s tonight.”

I held a red bottle as my face fell too. “I’m sorry. Mara and I have had this planned for a few weeks now. Do I need to cancel?” I asked as I got close. 

“No it’s fine. It’s just...it’s been a while since we had dinner together.” 

I put the bottle down on the table and sat close to him and took his hand. “Okay. But how about we have dinner tomorrow night together. Just the two of us?”

He smiled. “Deal.” 

I kissed him again and went off to get changed in something more comfy. That’s when I found something I hadn’t seen in a while. Stuffed in the back of my closet, was my long luxurious robe that I hadn’t worn a long time. It was the first thing I bought with the money I had earned while working for the First Order. I looked at it fondly. It was a deep blue with a quilted floral pattern. Something awfully fancy for just me, but loved it anyway. I threw on a pair of leggings and a sweater and put on the robe anyway. 

I kissed Kylo goodnight and left for Mara’s quarters. She opened up with the biggest grin she could muster. “Get in already!” 

We proceeded as we once did. Sitting on the floor, drinking wine, eating the greasiest food we could get on ship, and enjoying each other's gossip. “So your love life apparently is the biggest piece of gossip I have.” 

I laughed. “Tell me about it. Has it gotten around yet about our engagement?” 

“A little, but it’s all speculation. People are sighting that ring you wore when you came back, seldom seeing it since.” 

I fiddled with it on the chain I wore. “Okay. Enough of me. What about you? Had any _escapades_ as of late?” 

She finished her glass. An easy tell to spot. “Well…” 

“Oh stars! Who?” 

She bit her lip, “There was a lot of drinking involved, and I might have visited a certain officer in the night a few times.” 

I raised my eyebrows, “which one?” 

She blushed. “Illereon.” 

“What?! Mr. Uptight and stubborn? How did you manage that?” 

She proceeded to laugh and pour some more wine in our glasses. “Well after you left, I managed to get to know him better. It was just a fling. Nothing to worry HR about. No one suspected a thing.” 

“No way.” 

“Yes. Apparently the Endor Outpost is too busy for gossip outside of the channels through the rest of the order.” 

“I wouldn’t have known either way. I only gossip with you.” 

“Not Kylo?” 

“He’s not the type. Besides he can basically read people’s minds if he wanted to. So gossiping must be boring to him.” 

Then the smile dropped from her face. “He hasn’t tried reading  _ your _ mind has he?” Suddenly protective. 

I shook my head. “No. He’s gotten anything that I might have  _ projected _ , whatever the hell that means, but hasn’t tried forcefully.” 

She giggled, “stars it must be wild to be engaged to a force-user.” 

“Tell me something I don’t know. 

...

  
  


The next morning, I returned to work as per usual. The night before I had finished the bottle with Mara and decided to go back to my own quarters to sleep, missing Kylo. When I woke up he was already gone for the day. I had vaguely remembered him kissing me goodbye before being fully awake. 

I walked into the medbay like the day before. It was quiet for the most part and all seemed calm as it was usually. I checked in with the nurses and made rounds with the patients I was overseeing. When I came back to the main nurses station, I was surprised to see a panicked Lieutenant coming in. 

He came in straight for me. “I was sent to retrieve you. One of the Knights of Ren has been injured and requested for you to attend them.” 

I immediately went into action and asked, “which Knight and where are they? What are the extent of the injuries.?” I ran and grabbed the nearest portable medical kit. One of the nurses, Seth was his name, got a gurney. 

“Trike, I believe the name was. Their coming in from a mission. As far as we know she is conscious but we do not know the full extent.” 

“Let’s go.” We rushed through the ship, the Lieutenant narrowly behind our heels. We found ourselves in the expansive and familiar ship bay. Soon Nakoa Ren found me after the shuttle lowered its hatch. 

“Doc! She’s in here.” We left the lieutenant and boarded the ship with the gurney in tow. 

Trike, maskless and very much in pain, was sitting in a passenger seat on the wall of the cargo hold. Kneeling next to her was Jarek Ren who was trying to keep her calm. “What happened?” I asked.

“We were on the planet below finishing a mission when we were ambushed. We were on a ridge.” The Knight next to her spoke with panic in his voice. 

“The bastard pushed me over it.” Trike held her left arm close and I could already see that the shoulder was dislocated. She also had several small lacerations on her face from wearing her helmet. Her fellow Knights backed away so we could work on her, but still watched us carefully. Seth looked ready to jump out of his skin as he administered some pain meds and out on the portable heart monitor. 

“Stay calm okay. Can you let go so I can take a look?” She let go of it while still in a good amount of pain. I checked her shoulder out thoroughly and knew that I didn’t want it to move until it was relocated. “We need to get you on the gurney. Try not move your arm.” I had her place her other hand underneath her elbow to keep it from moving. “Can you stand?” 

She nodded through gritted teeth. Seth already put the gurney at a 80 degree angle for her to sit. Then slowly, we got her to stand and maneuver to the Gurney without disturbing the shoulder. “Okay. Seth. We need to get this shoulder in popped back in now.” 

“You sure ma’am? Can we wait until we reach the medbay.” I forgot that he was still on the new end for nurses. I kept myself from rolling my eyes at the newbie. 

“She’ll be more comfortable if we do it now. This is a classic posterior dislocation. Now stabilize the patient.” I turned to Trike. “We’re going to relocate it okay. Relax as best you can and stay still.” 

She nodded at me as she closed her eyes. In a few careful movements, I took her arm in and bent it at the elbow. Then, with a warning, I slipped the shoulder joint back into place. Trike sighed in relief. “Oh thank the stars.” She grunted. 

“Alright, let's get you to the medbay for some proper pain meds.”   
We took off to the medbay and proceeded to get the knights fully checked out. Thankfully, Nakoa and Jarek were fine and set to go as they were, while Trike, along with the dislocated shoulder, also had quite a few lacerations in various areas, only two needed stitching. No head injury, thanks to her helmet. 

Once she was set to rest in a room for the next day or so, I went to my office, and Kylo and Deval soon found me as I filled out more paper work on Trike. “What Happened?” Kylo asked. 

I proceeded to tell them what the other knights told me, and further filled them in on what I had to do. “I had to relocate her shoulder. She’ll need some rest and some physical therapy, but she’ll fine.” 

Kylo smiled at me a little, but there was worry still very much in his eyes. Deval then spoke, “She’s in good hands, I’ll go see her.” 

I nodded as he left Kylo and I alone. “You look worried.” I said. 

“Only a little. She’s one of my best knights and a good friend. I’m glad she is going to be okay.” 

“She will. She’s strong, a lot like you.” I said to him as I gave his cheek a kiss. Still he seemed really distracted. “Is something wrong?” 

“I have a meeting in a few minutes. I just don’t want to leave you.” 

I sighed. “I know. But we have tonight.” 

He smiled one of his lovely and rare smiles, “tonight.” 

…

After what felt as one of the longest shifts of my life, I walked quietly into our quarters and saw that Kylo was late again. I didn’t mind. Though I looked forward to dinner together, I knew it would have probably been late. So I ordered some dinner to wait for it and sprawled onto our bed to rest for a few minuets. 

I hadn’t expected for Kylo to rush into our quarters. I hadn’t been laying down for very long, but I shot up as he came in. He gathered a few things into a small bag and went straight for me. “Star.” He seemed so panicked, I hadn’t had time to process it at all. 

“Kylo what’s going on?”

“I have a mission and I have to leave as soon as possible,” he said as he caught his breath. “I have to go alone. I will be back in a few days. I’m sorry.” 

He grabbed me for a hug. “Why alone?” 

“It’s too dangerous, and I can’t explain. I’m sorry.” 

I pulled away to face him in his arms. I knew that this was part of the job. He had to go away sometimes. Still, the anxiety in me didn’t want him to go. “You are going to come back to me.” Then I broke away and took out my father's red scarf from my side table drawer. I wrapped it around his gloved hand as I said, “you bring this back to me. _Alive_ and safe and sound. Promise me?” 

“I promise.” Then he kissed me. It was filled with intensity and unsurity. Still as he tried to break away I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want him to go. But he had to. I stopped kissing him as I closed my eyes and pressed my forehead to his. “I love you.” He said. 

“I love you too.” Then as quickly as he came in, he was gone. On a mission of unknown origin and I was scared to death. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes another cliff hanger. Sorry (Not sorry) next chapter will be soon!-Indigo


	7. Kylo’s Absence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo is in the wind and I’m reeling. That’s when Hux finally gets on my last sleep deprived nerve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. New chapter. It’s more filler than anything but moves the plot somewhat along. -Indigo

  
  


_ “In case you ever foolishly forget: I am never not thinking of you.”  _ \- Virginia Woolf 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It was early. Early enough that I thought it would be appropriate to start getting ready. Around 0500 I got up from a cold bed. It had to be the third night in a row where I barely had rested. Three nights since Kylo left mysteriously and  _ alone _ . Every second my mind could drift, it would go to him. I was filled with worries. 

And every person I could ask had no clue why he left either. Well, everyone except Hux. Apparently the intel that sent Kylo on this mission was given to Hux by the intelligence division, which I had no access to, and I hadn’t intended on going to ask Hux about it. He was the last person I wanted to see. 

I took an extra long shower and took time to get ready. Still I had hours before my shift was supposed to start. I got my breakfast early and there was a knock at the door not long after getting my meal. I opened it, a small part of me hoping it would be Kylo, to only see Deval. 

“Oh. Morning.” I said as I moved out of the doorway for him. 

“Morning.” He said as he walked past me. 

“I was about to start eating. Are you hungry?” 

“I’m fine thanks, but I thought you would like the company.” 

I smiled at that. Deval took off his helmet and I sat down to eat. “Thank you. How’s Theon?” 

The knight smiled a little, “he’s settling in thankfully.” 

“That’s great.” 

“How have you been doing?” 

“I’m okay I guess. I’m just...it’s nothing.” I started to eat the eggs in front of me. 

“It’s  _ not _ nothing. You can tell me.” he said with gentleness in his voice. “Your worried about him?” 

“Of course I am. I’ve barely slept since he left. Do you have any idea where he is right now.” 

“Other than the message that he sent right before going off grid, and that he safely got out of hyperspace? No…” 

I lost my appetite after that. I drank more of my caff and thought about it more. “I wish he would have told me at least what he was after. Just sitting here in the dark scares the shit out of me.” 

“You and me both.” 

I shook my head and looked at my watch. I still had hours before my shift was supposed to begin. I sighed not sure what to do with the spare time. Then Deval asked, as if he read my mind, “do you...do you want come on a walk with me. I’d like you to meet Theon.” 

I smiled “really?” 

...

We were right outside of the communications wing. Many officers who worked there were milling about in the morning hours, still a little bit before their shift was supposed to begin. Then a lone Lieutenant saw us. His face lit up as he saw the knight next to me, and I knew it was him without a word. He was a fairly average height and had olive skin. His smile was brightening as he started speaking, “what the hell are you doing here?” 

Deval took off his mask, with an equally contagious smile, “can’t I surprise you every now and again?” 

Theon just laughed. Then he looked at me, he extended a hand for me to shake. “I’m Theon.” 

I introduced myself and gladly said, “Deval has told me a lot about you. I’m so glad to finally meet you for myself.” 

“Me as well.” We all proceeded to chat for a few moments before Theon had to get to his station. It was pleasant to meet a friendly face. The first that I thought I could truly trust in a long time. 

…

Three more days had passed and there was still no sign of Kylo. The worry I had was starting to seriously affect my work,  and so was the little sleep I had gotten over the course of it. So I spent my day mostly behind my desk. Busy work seemed to be my only solace while waiting for Kylo to return home. 

As midday came around, an admin nurse knocked. “Ma’am, General Hux is here to see you.” I furrowed my eyebrows and my stomach began twisting in knots.  _ This cannot be good _ . 

“Send him in.” I couldn’t ignore him. He would find me somehow and speak with me then. I reasoned it would be best to just get it over with. 

He strolled in like he owned the place. Well, he kind of did but that’s besides the point. He wore a smug smile as he sat down in front of me. And just started talking _at_ me as he was going through his data pad. He didn’t even look up. “Good to see you. I have come to speak with you on arrangements. We are getting much closer to our next steps into becoming a stronger Empire. Since the Supreme Leader isn’t here, I thought I would speak with you.” 

“On what arrangements?” 

The man looked up for a split second with his cold eyes. “Your wedding?” 

“I’m sorry  _ what _ about my wedding?” 

“Once we have settled the Empire,” he said as he finally gave me his full attention, “we must have the wedding of course. Inviting several dignitaries and such. As the bride, I suppose you’ll have some input.” 

“Some input?” 

He proceeded to go back to his data pad. “Yes. Now I will be assigning a few planners-“ 

“No.” The little patience I had finally ran out on the man. 

He looked up at me with a look as if I was the first person in his life to utter such a word. “What?” 

“You will not be assigning anyone. Kylo and I have barely talked about what we want to do with it. And I was certain that the event would not be a PR stunt.” 

“It wouldn’t be-“ 

“Save your breath from lying to me. It would be. You would invite whoever the hell you want to show a nice pretty wedding. And I’m suspecting that you would film it via holo to show the rest of the galaxy. It would a waste of time resources. We’re at war. It’s hardly the time to be extravagant.”

He was fully glaring at me. “Ma’am I’m just trying to do what’s best for the First Order.” 

“Yes you are, and I commend you for that. But you will not hijack my wedding to do so.” 

“That’s not up to you.” 

“Yes it is. It’s my wedding to Kylo. Your soon to be Emperor. It will be a private event. As it should be.” 

He stood seething at me. “How dare you? You are getting whatever you want by-“ 

I calmly stood. “By what?” As I stared into his cold glare, all I could think was _I dare you call me a whore. See what happens_. 

He held back. He knew exactly who he was talking to, and I doubt that he wanted to say what he was thinking. “Think long and hard about  _ who _ you are saying _no_ to. I know for a fact that I get what I want. Do you?” 

I stood shocked for a second as he gathered his things, then I said to him with spite on my tongue, “and don’t you  _ forget _ who you're talking to. And I who I  _ love _ and who me  _ loves _ back.” 

He simply grumbled and left my office in a huff. 

…

I wiped a few tears from my face as I looked out onto the viewport. All of the stars were glimmering as much as they usually did. I just wished for Kylo to get back home. It was well past midnight in the night cycle. I stood in one of Kylo’s sweaters, some pajama pants, and my long blue robe that I had left open.   
I had tried to fall asleep earlier, but I couldn’t. I just worried and worried and worried some more about him. He had to leave so quickly, and Hux managed to only to make it worse. 

Then there was a knock on the door. I turned and quickly answered. It was Deval. “He’s back.” He said breathlessly. 

“Is he okay?” 

“Yes. He’s landing in the ship bay now.” I rushed past him and closed up my robe. The bottom end of it billowed around my legs as I ran through the halls with Deval at my tail. 

“Where are you going?” 

I stepped into the elevator, with Deval narrowly getting on in time for me to push the buttons to send us down. “I need to see him.” 

He didn’t protest. Deval was there after my last conversation with Hux. It all just spurred me more to see Kylo. Soon the elevator doors opened and I walked quickly out across the icy floor hardly noticing that I was still barefoot. Deval followed closely. Thankfully the only people in the bay were the few necessary engineers loading in the Silencer, and Kylo himself. 

As soon as I saw him I bolted towards him. He didn’t see me until I tackled him for a hug. A few silent tears ran down my cheeks as he wrapped his arms around me in a grip that would leave anyone breathless. Deval soon was near us. “Welcome back.” He said. 

“Is everything okay?” Kylo’s asked. 

I pulled back a little. “Not really, but I’m really happy that your home.” I said with a small voice. 

“Me too.” He looked up at Deval, “go retrieve the item on my ship and take it to the vaults. I want to speak with you about it tomorrow. For now I’m going back to my quarters.”

Deval nodded and went towards the ship. Then we started walking back. Kylo kept his arm around me. “What happened?” 

As we went through the ship, I started telling him all that had happened that day, and every detail of what Hux said to me. Once we returned to our quarters, Kylo looked ready to kill him. “I can’t believe he threatened you.” He said as we both walked into our bedroom. 

“He just wants what’s best for the order. And himself. He doesn’t care about us. He just sees me as an obstacle that he’s trying to exploite.” I twisted my ring around my finger as I sat down. 

“I’m sorry I left you alone with him.” He had taken off his cloak and sat next to me. 

I shook my head. “It’s okay. I can handle myself. I was just...I really missed you. I was so worried. Where the hell did you need to go that you needed to go alone?” I paused, my next question still in the back of my throat. “Does it have to do with the resistance?” 

Even with the worry in his face, he pulled me closer to him. His hands stroked my hair gently out of my face. “In a way...yes. I’m sorry. I had to go alone. It was too dangerous for anyone else. I don’t even know how to explain it…”

“Can you try? I was so worried about you Kylo.” 

He looked away for a second, clearly trying to find the right words. I pressed my hand to his scared cheek. “I had to go to the Outer Rim. One of the farthest reaches. Once I was on the surface, it...it was like the brightest light in a darkened room. It was so present there, calling to any and all force users. I couldn’t leave until I found it. And once I did I had to fight for it. There were people there that didn’t want me to take it…” 

“So you had to steal it?” I asked. 

He nodded. “Once I had, I knew what it could do, but…”

“But what?” 

“I can’t use it.” 

I furrowed my eyebrows. “What do you mean you can’t? I thought you were-“

“ _ It _ doesn’t want me...I think I’m too intuned with the force to use, as I suspected.” 

“If you can't use it, who can?” 

He paused for a moment.  “You.” 


	8. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Learning new things about myself and what Kylo has been up to. Beginning a quest to find a ghost from my past who doesn’t seem to want to be found.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. Soooooooooo.........it’s been a while. Yeah I started posting a new work (check it out if your into Supernatural). But I worked up to this one and will be working on a new and exciting few chapters. I have a ton written for later on. I promise to finish this story! I love it too much. So enjoy this filler and kinda short one. Sorry, had to start small, but the next few will make it all worth it I promise! -Indigo

“ _Everything I’ve ever let go of has claw marks on it…_ ”-David Foster Wallace

  
  
  
  


“Me?” I asked. Pausing for a moment to think, I smiled thinking that this was some kind of joke and chuckled a little. “No. No, I’m not a force user.” 

“But you remember the relic?” 

I dropped the smile. “Yes. I wish I didn't. That thing gave me nightmares for weeks after that. I _still_ get nightmares. And so much of it came true.” 

Worry was plastered on his face like it lived there. “I know. But it clicked for me when I found this one. Perhaps you’ve been able to get these visions, because you have that ability in the force. One that was never detected.” 

I was dumbfounded. “Kylo, what are you asking me?” 

“I’m not asking you anything. I’m just telling you what I found.” 

“Okay, but that still doesn’t explain the force part. I’ve never-“ 

He swallowed. “You’ve shown some signs. Little but there. You’ve always been able to read a room well. Sometimes so well it’s scary. And your perceptive of people. Especially me.” 

“That’s just intuition.” 

“It could be...but...I looked into it. Every source on the oracle has said only those with force user capabilities have gotten visions from it. I’ve sensed it since I met you in some subconscious way.” 

“Why are you telling me this now?” Tears started to escape my eyes and down my cheeks.

“Before Snoke died, I didn’t want him knowing. He obviously had never been around you to know, and I wasn’t going to tell him. I _never_ trusted him. I wasn’t about to tell him about you to get your life ripped apart.”

“What about after…” I asked quietly. 

“Knowing you...that’s the _last_ thing you needed. And with the ever changing situation here...I figured it would be wise to ignore it. But when I got word of this new relic, I couldn’t risk Hux getting his hands on it-“ 

“But it doesn’t explain _why_ you had to go alone.” I snapped and stood. “Kylo. You just left. _You left me_! You scared me half to death just to find another relic that _could_ give me visions for some stars forsaken reason. You can’t _do this_ and not tell me!” 

He stood as well, “I had to go alone because if the First Order knows what I truly found and what you're capable of...they’ll use you.” 

“What?” I asked so quietly I was surprised that he heard me. 

He shifted his feet and looked away from me. “Hux has known about your vision for some time now.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked calmly. 

“Because until _this_...I thought that it would be irrelevant. The old relic was destroyed by Snoke. It didn’t work for him and decided that it was useless.” 

“How did Hux find out about _me_? Did you tell him?” My voice cracked at the last sentence. 

“No of course not. He has intelligence everywhere on this ship. He got it from one of them.” 

“Fucking gossips…” I muttered. 

“If he finds out that we have another one...who knows what he might do.” 

I scoffed. “I’m surprised he even believes in it. It explains why he hasn’t tried to get rid of me.” I let out a breath. “What are you going to do with it?” 

He stepped closer to me. “I’ll have one of the knights take it off the ship and put it somewhere safe. Where Hux can’t get his hands on it.” 

I looked up at him. “Is this why you’ve been acting strange lately? Working at odd hours and not telling me things?”

He looked down at me in shame. “I just want to protect you. I _have_ to protect you.” 

“And yet you scared me in the process. I’m still scared, Kylo. I need to know about this stuff. Especially when it has to do with my safety. _Our safety_.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

He closed the distance between us. I instinctively welcomed it as I wrapped my arms around his neck and placed my face to his chest. “I know...but you need to talk to me about this. We’re a team. You can’t just go _galavanting_ across the galaxy without telling me at least where you're going.” 

“I’m sorry, I scared you. I never meant to.” He apologized. 

“I know.” I pulled apart a little to look at him. Then it dawned on me. “Kylo,” I said in a quiet voice, “If I am a person who can have these visions, is it possible that it’s genetic?” 

After a small pause. “I think so, yes.” 

My heart beat much harder within my chest. “Kylo, what if my mother has the same ability? What if...what if that’s the reason why she left me?” 

He looked as surprised as I was. I covered my mouth at the thought, looking away from his eyes. Tears filled mine as I fought back sobs. I thought back to the night she left. How she woke me from my sleep to say a quick goodbye. How I woke up to see my father crying. How I never understood, until now. 

“Sweetheart.” Kylo pulled me to his chest as I cried. “It’s okay. It’s okay.” He tried to sooth me. I fell asleep in his arms not long after that. 

…

I woke gently as Kylo ran his fingers through my hair. I couldn’t tell what time it was, but didn’t much care. I didn’t want to leave him. “Star?” He whispered.

“Ky.” I whispered back not moving. 

“How are you feeling?” 

I swallowed a little. “I don’t know. Last night...yesterday, as a whole really, was exhausting.” 

“I’m sorry.“ 

“How did our lives get so complicated?” I asked. 

“I was born into it unfortunately.” 

I smirked a little. “Me too.” I turned my head so I could face him. “I missed you.” 

“I missed you too. So much.” He smiled gently at me before giving me a kiss. Our faces stayed close as I closed my eyes after our lips parted. I would be lying if I said that I didn’t revel in our closeness. 

“Sometimes...I wish it would all go away. So that we can just stay together and not worry about _complicated_.” I said candidly. 

He chuckled a little. I opened my eyes to see a gentle smile on his lips. “Me too.” He stared at me for a moment, and I wondered what he was thinking, knowing that he usually didn’t have that problem with me. “I know you mentioned Hux berating you about the wedding.” 

I rolled my eyes at the mention of the man. “I’m really starting to understand your _disdain_ for him. I don't want our wedding to be a political affair.” 

He nodded. “I don’t want that either. He already has plans for a grand coronation apparently...though don't think we could get out of that.” 

It left a bad taste in my mouth. The pomp and circumstance of it just didn’t feel right at the time. _We’re all at war. Parties and celebrations of wealth are not necessary_. “No, don't think so. But I drew the line at our wedding. That’s about us...no one else.” 

“Agreed.” His smile brightened. That smile still sends butterflies to my stomach. 

“What?” I asked, smiling back. 

“I’m picturing it.” 

“Who would’ve thought...Kylo Ren is excited for his wedding.” 

“No...just marrying you.” We both chuckled. 

“Me too.” 

…

Despite being exhausted and so confused by all of the revelations that had come up, I had work to do. And so did Kylo. So we fell into our old routine and went to our retrospective areas of the ship. I was working as much as I could, trying to keep my mind off of my past and my mother. 

Still, I couldn’t shake it. So in a spare moment, I sent a message to Deval that I wanted to speak with him about something, thinking that he would understand. I had a moment between appointments with patients and meetings, so I was sitting in my office when the Knight came in. I smiled weakly at his appearance. “Hello Deval.” 

He removed his mask and had a bright smile. “You wished to see me?” 

I gestured for him to sit in front of my desk. When he sat down, I asked, “do you know how to track someone who doesn’t want to be found?” 

His eyebrows furrowed. “Is everything alright? Are you thinking about-“ 

“About What?” 

“ _Leaving_?” He said in a low voice. 

“What? No. I want to find someone. Someone from my past, and there are few things that I need help with. I’d figure I would ask you.” 

“Oh.” He paused for a moment. “I have some experience, but Xohan is the best amongst the knights.” 

I nodded. “Okay.” 

“Who did you want to find?” He asked cautiously. 

I glanced out the window for a moment before swallowing. “My mother.” 

“Your mother?” 

I nodded again. “She left when I was young. And, when Kylo came back with that relic, I realized something about her. About _me_. I just want answers.” 

“I’ll do everything I can to help.” 

As I stood to get the papers my mother had left me on Coruscant, the blaring sound of alarms filled our ears. “The hell?” I asked out loud as a rumble on the ship nearly knocked me to the floor. 

Deval replaced his mask and kept me from hitting the ground. Then I looked out the window. Several X wings blared by so fast if I had blinked I would have missed them. It hit me like a ton of rubble. _We’re under attack_. 


End file.
